Do You Recognize the 4 Warning Signs of a Dating Rut?

We’ve all been in that icky place where dating has become more of a chore and less of the fun and exciting adventure it once was. You find yourself bemoaning “When will my soul mate get here, already!” at every moment. Not to mention, just the mere thought of having to have yet another first date is enough to make you consider running back to your ex.

Until you remember the toe nail clippings on the kitchen counter, the crazy amount of hair left on the bathroom floor, and the…

Ok enough already! Here’s how to determine if you’re in a dating rut and how to finagle your fine self out of it in no time flat.

1. Boredom

You’re bored on the dates you go on, you’re bored when emailing a potential mate on their online profile, and you’re bored when you receive a call from someone you’re dating. Hell, you’re just flat out BORED. A lot of times if there’s boredom, there’s burnout. You’ve probably put way too much emphasis on finding a mate and have taken the joy out of the whole process. Not to mention, your intense boredom is wrecking havoc on your attractiveness factor. The Cure: Give yourself a dating sabbatical. Spend the next 7-30 days off your dating profile and/or pursuing any possible dating leads. Go and have some fun with your friends, read a good book, and reconnect with yourself by reengaging in your hobbies. The benefit of this is that once you plop yourself back in the game, you’ll feel refreshed and energized, which will make you more attractive.

2. Your Dates Are Alike

Every person you go on a date with seems to have the same job, the same interests, the same type of car, the same fashion sense, and even the same sense of humor. It’s enough to drive you frickin’ mad! Not to mention, the dates seem to be the same ol’ same ol’; dinner and a movie.

The Cure: First off, do some self-reflection. Why are you attracting the same type of people in your life? Are you limiting yourself by only dating this one particular type? I’ll tell you this, just because you liked it once, doesn’t mean you’ll like seconds. So change up your approach when it comes to finding dates. If you only find dates online, then you may need to venture out to social functions more. If you’ve been relying on your married or engaged friends to hook you up, then you perhaps you should try an online dating site. And when it comes to going on the same boring dates, why not suggest something new. Instead of coffee, why not try roller skating in the park? Instead of dinner and a movie, why not try going to the zoo or taking a tour at a museum. Change it up to add more vavoom back into the whole experience.

3. You’ve Considered Calling Your Ex

You know times are hard when you go searching through old text messages to find your ex’s phone number. And don’t get me started on those of you who go through your cell phone online billing statement and try to locate your ex’s number. Don’t worry, your secret is super safe with me! The Cure: As I said in Tip #2, just because you liked it once doesn’t mean you’ll like it again. So get rid of the notion of contacting your ex. Besides, there’s a reason the two of you are not together, so don’t romanticize the past and ignore the very things that tore you two apart. Take what you learned from the relationship and try to move forward.

4. You’re Ready To Give Up

You’ve had it up to here with all of these lackluster dates. It seems everyone you go out with is looking for “fun” or just got out of a serious relationship. Your friends are finding relationships with relative ease and you’re sick and tired of being the third or fifth wheel to events with them. You can’t help but wonder when your soul mate will get here. The Cure: Know that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we’re so focused on what we don’t have that we fail to enjoy the gifts that are in front of us now. When you’re single, you have the unique opportunity to do and be anything you want without any obligations (if you don’t have children). Take this time to develop yourself, save some money, see the world, go after your dreams, cross off some bucket list items, try a new career, take up a new hobby, etc. Instead of focusing on you lack of partnership at the moment, find a way to develop skills and talents in your solo time that could ultimately benefit you once you are attached.

Until Next Time,

Shay Banks

Rejecting Someone On An Online Dating Site

Online rejection is quite common. Sometimes it’s rejecting someone you’ve been approached by via an online dating site, and sometimes it’s dumping someone online even after you’ve had a real world relationship with them. The rejection email, however, is a tricky thing that shouldn’t be taken too lightly. You want to accomplish something, but not hurt anyone in the process.

First, write the email

If someone writes you on an online dating site, and you’ve never replied, rejection may not be called for. It sucks to not hear back, but opening up that can of worms may just not be necessary. However, once a dialogue is established, to any extreme, it’s important to sent an online dating site email, or other communication, if you want to call it quits.

Don’t be negative

Whether it’s negative towards them or towards yourself, it’s not necessary and doesn’t make the rejection any easier. No one needs a whole story as to why, just keep it short and simple. Saying things about what you don’t like, or don’t feel or don’t want won’t help anyone. It will only draw fire and possibly hurt one or both of you.

Let’s not be friends

It’s easy to write in the lets be friends line in an email, but don’t. If the person you are rejecting in your online dating email actually liked you, the lets be friends thing will be a kick in the gut. If they’ve heard it a lot before, it will be a painful kick. If you genuinely want friendship, and they do too, it will happen naturally whether you say it or not. So, go with not.

Don’t be a cliché

That friend thing is just one example of a cliché. As soon as the email sounds like something you’ve heard before, work on a rewrite. This shouldn’t be hard, no one’s marking it. Just say your piece, but avoid anything that sounds cliché. Those are the things that tend to sting the most, even when they are meant sincerely.

How many online dating site rejections have you written in your life? How many have you received? Share your thoughts about this emails and how they made you feel, both when sending and when receiving. Keep the conversation going by adding a comment below.

Until Next Time,

Meet Market Adventures Dating Expert

I Met Her On an Online Dating Site and Then…

How many women have you met through online dating sites? I couldn’t possibly count the number of girls I’ve gone out with after picking them up on popular free dating services, and even the paid ones now and then. During my last few years of online dating, I became quite good at the process and it felt more like shopping than flirting. Who do I want to meet this weekend? Ah, she seems great.

Of all the women you’ve been out with from free online dating sites, how many ended up being what you’d expect? From all the talk I hear about people never being what they seem, I’ve got to tell you, for the most part everyone has been exactly what I expected. Maybe I got lucky, or may I’ve just got a knack for translating online speak into real world speak.

The biggest shocks I got from my online dates had to do with physicality, but while most guys will be taken aback many times by the women’s appearance in person, once you’ve done it a few times you learn to guess what the real woman will be like. Generally, headshots without full body shots mean they aren’t exactly fit. Beyond that, general bone structure becomes a tip off to everything else about them.

Not that “fit” matters. I never went out of my way to date women from online dating sites who were exclusively model-like. Frankly, most shapes and sizes can be attractive with some girls. Once, however, I was completely thrown by the woman I met. Her online photo was gorgeous, the extra shots she provided were pretty sweet too.

To this day I don’t know if she faked the photos, had them taken at a really good time, a long time ago, or whenever else, but when I met her I wanted to run. Calling her unattractive would have been an injustice to unattractive people. Now look, I don’t want to belittle women in anyway, but there is a point in which we have to admit a person, male or female, just doesn’t have the attractive thing working for them; though, I’m holding on to hope that anyone can achieve this if they work it right.

Still, this woman didn’t. When I saw her and made the connection I seriously considered bolting, but she saw me too. Fortunately there was the chance she’d at least be pleasant company, and maybe she’d grow on me. She wasn’t. She didn’t. She spent the whole date drinking and whining about her messed up life. It’s as though she knew I wasn’t into her so she figured to just make the most out of the day’s punching bag.

Think back to your online dates again, and try to remember the ones that simply didn’t work out. Remember the ones that completely took you by surprise, in the bad way. Add a comment below and tell us about them. What was it that made it so awful? What was different in person than online?

Until Next Time,

Meet Market Adventures Dating Expert

Guess What Your Choice of Phone Says About You

What kind of phone do you own? Is it a smartphone or a dumb phone? Well, a strikingly large number of us are now carrying around what they call smartphones. These are the things capable of doing everything from managing your schedule to surfing the web. Smart, right? There are three big categories of these guys on the market. There’s the iPhone, there’s the Blackberry and then there’s the Android phones. If you want to correct me by mentioning Windows Mobile, tough.

Now, the question is, what does your choice of phone say about you? Well, if you’re in the States, it likely reveals who you’re contracted with, but whatever. The fun thing that’s recently been discovered is that it says a lot about your love life. That’s right, someone did a survey and discovered that your choice of smartphone is correlated to the amount of sexual partners you’ve had.

Before explaining how this works, let’s point out that this was far from a scientific study. It was performed by an online dating site which will remain nameless because this study of theirs was clearly done for the purposes of shameless marketing, and I refuse to participate. That said, people did respond to the survey in vast numbers and indicated both their phone choice, gender and number of partners, so, there may be something to it.

Anyway, iPhone owners, you win. If you want to look at it that way. A single woman of about 30 years of age, owning an iPhone, is likely to have had about 12 sexual partners. Guys with iPhones, incidentally, average out at about 10 partners. Second place for both women and men are Blackberry owners at about 8—yeah, significant difference, right?—and then Android phone owners who average out at 6.

So why is that? There are a lot of theories, mostly humourous, but most of them are too filthy minded to actually post here. What you can take from this, however, is that the next time you’re at a singles bar and see a group of people with iPhones, Blackberries and Smartphones, well, you know who to set your sights on.

Until Next Time,

Meet Market Adventures Dating Expert

What Does It Really Mean to Be Yourself?

Probably the most common advice given to people in online dating sites and blogs is to be yourself; but what does it really mean to be yourself? Can anyone really define this? We all hide behind a mask of one sort or another, not because we want to be deceitful, but rather because we want to put our best foot forward. This is especially so when meeting somebody for the first time, and even more so if you are interested in a romantic relationship with a particular person.

For most people, this is known as the honeymoon period where everything seems rosy and we all get along splendidly. However, as most people tell you, we soon find out certain truths about our romantic partners a few weeks after the start of our relationships. Many marriages and relationships break down because we believe that in many ways that we really do not know the person that we are involved with. Are we able to be honest with our partners from the onset of our relationships, or is hiding behind a mask ingrained as part of the human psyche as a means of protecting ourselves from being hurt?

None of us would disagree that being open and honest in a relationship is very important, and is the fundamental building blocks of trust; but does showing our true face not increase the chances of jeopardizing our budding relationships? For example; if as a guy, you meet a woman that you are really attracted to, and you feel that this is someone that you could spend the rest of your life with, yet you discover that you had serious differences with regards to politics, religion or any other sensitive topics, how do you deal with this?

As we know in the United States, the differences between Democrats and Republicans are more pronounced now than ever before. Do you risk the chance of jeopardizing your relationship by expressing your political beliefs, or do you rather stay silent in the hope that any political differences that you may have will hopefully be swept under the carpet once they finally come to light? Although there are couples that have overcome these differences to maintain a healthy relationship, the truth is that there are many marriages that have broken down because the people involved could simply not agree to disagree and let bygones be bygones.

I believe that when it comes down to it, integrity is what counts at the end of the day. If you are unable to stand up for what you believe in, no matter the risks, then it is highly unlikely that you could prove yourself to be an honest and loyal partner. Meeting up with someone new can be a very exciting period in one’s life, and disagreeing on certain issues does not mean that you will not be able to go on dates or to be romantically involved with someone with a different point of view. If you were able to disagree and express yourself in a candid but respectful manner, then from where I stand, honesty and openness can do no more but to earn the respect and admiration of your partner.

Until Next Time,

Meet Market Adventures Dating Expert