10 Creative and Fun Summertime Dates

The weather’s warmer and the days are longer, and summer is a great time of year for romantic, outdoor dates. Here are 10 creative and fun ways to make the most of your summertime dates:

1. Bring some delicious food, a bottle of wine, and a blanket for a picnic.
2. Go to the beach, build a sand castle and play volleyball in the sand.
3. Watch outdoor concerts, movies or plays under the stars.
4. Learn about wines at the wineries.
5. Go kayaking or canoeing on a lake.
6. Go to the zoo and enjoy the animals.
7. Go to street fairs and festivals or a parade together.
8. Take a day trip somewhere and travel by bikes.
9. Go hiking and then camping overnight.
10. Enjoy the magnificent views from a hot air balloon ride.

Whether you use one of these ideas or you come up with something else to do on your exciting date, enjoy!

Until Next Time,

Tracey L. Steinberg, Esq.
Life Coach and Dating Expert

For Men: Top Five Reasons Why Your First Date Didn’t Work Out

Let’s face it, first dates can be trying! It’s almost like a job interview, both subjects putting their best face on for the other and hiding their scars. Sometimes it feels like you are just rehashing the same date over and over. Are you one of those people that has lots of first dates but not so many second dates? Did you feel your first date went well and then you don’t hear from the person again? Maybe you fell into one of the following traps.

No Plan

Did you just show up and ask her what she wanted to do? Not a good start. Get a plan in order. If you showed up at your dentist and she asked you what you felt like doing, how would that strike you? It probably wouldn’t fill you with confidence. Be a man with a plan. Tell her, “We’re going_____.” My advice is a coffee shop or something simple, but for heaven’s sake, find a cool, funky one. Avoid chains like Starbucks or Panera. Even if it’s not the her preferred place, you’ll get points for having a plan!

Not Being a Leader

Genetics plays a big part in our interactions. Not your dad or grandfather’s genes, we’re talking 10,000 years ago genes. Back when we were hunters and the women were gatherers, our job was to protect and lead. It’s still the same way. Women want a bold man to lead them. “I want a MAN!” as you have probably heard women say. Not an overbearing man, but one who is confident. Open doors, ask leading questions and know where you’re going and what you’re doing.

A Date That Goes Too Long

Sometimes a date can be going so well that you don’t want it to end. This can also be a pitfall. Imagine going to a party where you’re having a blast. The music is great, the wine is flowing like, well, wine and everyone is talking and is interesting. You think about going but decide to stay longer. Then the alcohol runs out, the person whose iPod it was disconnects it and goes home and all the interesting people leave. There you are with a warm drink, no music and everyone is just milling around. Once you leave, you have a sour taste in your mouth when you think of the party. Same deal here. We usually recommend an hour for your first date. Get in, get out and leave them wanting more.

A Too Complex Date

“Okay first we’re going to grab a drink at McDrinker’s but we have to leave by 8:45 so we can make it in time for the 9:00 show at the Comedy Club. You wait in line while I go grab movie tickets for the midnight showing of The New Action Movie and I’ll meet you at the table. Try to get one near the back in case the show runs long and we need to duck out early.” While I applaud your leadership skills, over scheduling and over committing is never a good thing. It doesn’t give her time to settle in and enjoy herself without thinking of the next thing. Make it fun but relaxing and stress-free. She is there for you, in fact the whole first date is to get to know each other. If you are doing all this activity guess what….? By the end of the date you will know as little about her as at the start. Worse, dating is emotional and when our energy and attention unfocused, you are less likely to connect and get to know your date. AKA, it will be your one and only date with her.

Trying for a Second Date

Everyone wants a second date. Even before she shows up she is hoping there will be a second date in her future. But if you are trying to set up a second date before the first one is even over, it’s not going to look good. First off, you’ll come off as desperate. Like you are trying to lock her in before she realizes you aren’t worth one. Also, on the other side, what if she agrees and later you find out she’s a closet psycho. Leave the second date planning for a phone call a few days later. It is not an interview, and if you treat it as such you won’t meet anyone of quality. Dating should be and is supposed to be fun and not too serious an experience, especially on the first date. Show your lighter side, enjoy the company and only after the date decide if you will call her or not. Guess what, you just might have so much fun together that decision has already been made for you!

If you would like to learn more of what to do on the first date, second date and beyond, contact us!

Until Next Time,

Hunt E
Senior Daytime Dating Coach

Hunt has a knack to see a person for their potential and get them to realize those latent abilities is one of his greatest talents. He currently coaching for New York Dating Coach and writes on dating in various publications and has been featured in various media with his insights on dating such as Avangardists.com, Shine, Betty Confidential, and many others.

All That Glitters is NOT Gold…

Jennifer Smith is now 24 years old and has just moved out of her parent’s house. She’s tasting true independence for the first time and loving every minute of it. She goes to the gym regularly, takes yoga classes, reads often, and spends time with her growing circle of friends from work, college and ever day encounters.

More and more she is dating different types of men and while she isn’t looking for a relationship, is growing pickier about what she feels he needs to bring to the table.

The last guy Jennifer dated long term was Jake. This was her college sweetheart of 2 years. He was sweet, gentlemanly, affectionate, considerate, attentive and very present. It didn’t work out though because the excitement and passion fizzled and they both grew apart. Now she wants to try something different.

Because she’s independent, she expects her mate to be the same. A man “in between jobs” is no longer considered acceptable, as is a man who is not open minded like her or ambitious and confident about his career. Needless to say, living with his parents is out of the question.

She really likes her new boyfriend Paul. When he first picked her up at a Café local to her job, she fell for him right away. Not only was he handsome, he had a strong personality, was very outgoing and totally take charge. He didn’t take no for an answer when he chased her and went to the ends of the earth to finally win her over.

Paul is an entrepreneur that fell into Real Estate and has his “fuck you” money so he doesn’t think twice about telling someone how he really feels, for better or for worse. She finds his brand of honesty refreshing compared with Jake, who would sooner tell a white lie than to hurt her feelings in the smallest way.

Further, she feels safe and protected with him when they’re out because he won’t stand down from a confrontation and manages to stay cool and relaxed during mishaps.

However, after dating for 3 months, she notices a very jealous side to him. And as they continue dating over the next 2 months, the relationship seems to stand still. She grows closer to him but he’s more preoccupied with his career than building their relationship. His jealousy is getting more intense and so do their fights. He grows distant, they snap at each other and neither party is willing to give up their pride. It’s starting to get the better of them.

She begins to wonder why they are still together but their passion is as strong as it was on Day 1.

A month later, Jennifer is dating Doug. He’s the opposite of Paul and like a breath of fresh air. He’s sweet, laid back, non-possessive and affectionate. He reminds her of her old college boyfriend Jake. And after dating for 2 months, the attraction fizzles… just like it did with Jake.

Do you see the pattern here yet? Maybe you’ve experienced this first hand?

Unfortunately, Jennifer doesn’t realize that she is bouncing back and forth from the Alpha male type to the “nice guy” because she’s simply avoiding the worst qualities of her last relationship.

While she is attracted to the Alpha male, the passion is eventually overcome by their inability to build a deeper, healthy relationship. And while she feels connection and intimacy with the nice guy, the relationship fails in the passion department… so Jennifer bounces back and forth, back and forth, over and over again… eventually believing “there is no such thing as a good guy”.

Because to her a good guy is a man that she is attracted to who can also be as emotionally available as the nice guy. The problem with this is that she can’t recognize what she truly wants is a man who is confident… not just superficial confidence, but the kind of deep confidence in a man that allows him to be open emotionally and still shout “NO!” if he feels his personal boundaries are being crossed (of course, this assumes he knows who he is and what his boundaries are!).

In short, she doesn’t know the difference between a cubic zirconium and a diamond!

So what is the difference, you ask?

This often takes the form of the classic “nice guy” versus “jerk” scenario. And the challenge is in recognizing not only the patterns of behavior, but the motivation behind it. Let’s take these two extremes and break them down together.

The man who acts like a jerk because “nice guys always finish last” is just as trapped as the guy who was a jerk and decides to be a nice guy. He’s merely trading one box for another. Either way you cut it, he is limited in a world that doesn’t allow him to be himself.

The nice guy is trying to please everybody so that he doesn’t get rejected. The jerk is rejecting people first and pushing people’s buttons to prove how much he doesn’t care because he does not want to get rejected himself. The jerk fears intimacy. Otherwise, if it truly didn’t matter to him, why would he bother to resist it so much in the first place? Human connection is not only natural, it is our default mode. We are pack animals that have survived precisely because we have learned to survive together.

Both the jerk and the nice guy are living in reaction to fear, yet both will adamantly state “I am just being myself!” I can assure you, they are not.

The woman who goes from one extreme of dating a nice guy to the other extreme of dating the modern jerk also begins to feel the frustration of not having the deeper connection along with the passion she really wants, because he is not being himself in the first place (and perhaps, neither is she).

True confidence in a man comes down to his being comfortable enough with himself, with who he is and mature enough to be vulnerable. The first half (being himself) is what allows him to set strong boundaries, while the second half (being open and vulnerable) allows him to develop intimacy and connection in his relationships. It’s like a glass of water. It may be fluid and clear, but it can’t be enjoyed without the boundaries of the glass that holds it in the cup.

The common ancestor in both these qualities is that it comes from a proactive way of being. It is non-reactionary. It doesn’t revolve around the fear of how others might react to him. He has the freedom to be both the nice guy when appropriate and the jerk when appropriate. But in both cases, he is acting from within HIMSELF because he has matured enough to be true to himself… and therefore allow others to touch his true core. And of course his core, his sense of self, beliefs and identity is already defined.

Likewise, a man who chooses to treat people nicely because that’s how he chooses to live his life is coming from a place of strength. He is strong enough to not care about what others think and derives pleasure from his personal belief in doing good. However, if he can’t stand up for himself and what he wants when it counts, when something is important to him, he is still trapped in his way of being. He loses the freedom of not being nice because of his fear.

And a man who isn’t strong enough to be vulnerable and open, or admit when he’s wrong, is nothing more than a scared little boy. Being vulnerable demonstrates a significant level of emotional maturity and inner strength. It shows a healthy self acceptance and self love.

Without this, no love or acceptance is available for her.

Yes, today’s woman wants a man who is truly confident. Superficial strength will always show it’s weaknesses and insecurities over time and she recognizes that no matter how attractive he may seem at first, he does not yet have inner strength and no healthy long term relationship is possible.

Women of course are not completely innocent when it comes to keeping their guard up! But it takes a much more subtle – and deadly form –with them, which we can cover another time.

Fast forward a few months. More and more, as Jennifer becomes aware of this pattern, as she keeps dating, she begins to recognize what true confidence is and begins to grow attracted to a new type of man. She is now successfully able to separate the zirconium from the diamonds.

The lesson?

In The Tao of Leadership, John Heider writes about lessons from Lao Tzu:

“Striving to be beautiful, makes a person ugly.
And trying too hard to be kind is a form of selfishness.
The braggart probably feels small and insecure.
He who would be first, ends up last.

True simplicity is not easy” But I’ll go John one further with this…look for extremes, in both your dates and yourself.

Because with true fluidity, comes true balance.

Now go find YOUR true north…

Until Next Time,

Marco A

There are universals of dating and relationships we all know and all the pieces of the puzzle fit at one point in time or another, but the right coach will give guidance on which piece is appropriate for where they are now and how that fits into the whole picture. Enter Vibe Society… think part dating doctor Hitch, part sorority/fraternity community and part clearing-house for some of THE best speakers, authors and experts on dating advice from around the world. While we offer in-house resources to get members quickly to that next level, we also provide events (mainly North East) for community members to meet in person, or participate from around the world via our live virtual Webinars. Discounts available to monthly subscribers and special forum privileges for Secret Society Members include viewing and posting on worldwide forums for either the fraternity group OR sorority group (meaning, if you’re a woman, you get to peer into the men’s forum – this is like listening into the men’s locker room first hand. Most women love this service as a way to understand “what are they really thinking?”). Just go to www.VibeSociety.com to learn more!

Five Ways To Have Endless Dates (For Men)

1. Just Ask. Never be afraid to ask for the date. So many times women are willing and ready to go on that first date or even a second, but so many times men let the fear of rejection stand in their way. Be like a sales person and ask for the sale. Just ASK!!! You can’t win if you don’t play.

2. Dress For The Job You Want. This is so true, if you want endless dates present your self as a guy “who has endless dates.” This means having confidence in your ability as a datable bloke. You have to be in it to win. Unleash your full potential, have some stagger to your walk and some backbone. Women flock to confidence like they do to Coach purses. If you think you can have endless dates, you will have endless dates.

3. Be Like a Snowflake. No two are ever the same and that is what makes them so interesting. If you’re different than the last six guys she has gone out with you will get a second date just because of her curiosity alone. So how can one be different? Change up the rules of a first date. Take her some place you know is unusual or do something adventures. How about instead of talking about the formal “get to know you talk,” try finding one amazing thing about yourself and talk about that. Perhaps you have done a free fall from a mountain in Tibet. If so, you should talk about that. Or maybe you dream about walking on the Great Wall of China. Tell her about that. Women love mystery and excitement, so give it to her and she will be coming back for more.

4. Do Your Research. In order to understand how the female mind works, you must first do your research. Watch some chick flicks, read Cosmo, these are untapped resources that spell out A-Z what women look for, long for and crave in a man. Once you break the Devinci code, you will have the tools you need to have endless dates. Now I’m not telling you not to be yourself, but even a master plumber would use a state of an art wrench if he knew it would get the job done.

5. Unleash Your Listening Abilities. A sure-fire way to have endless dates is by practicing your ability to be a good listener. Honing this skill is essential in the dating world. Listen to your date and get to know her. Find common ground or activities that you can do together that will give you endless future dates with a girl that you like. Knowing a date is getting a date!

Until Next Time,

Kim Ward

Do You Recognize the 4 Warning Signs of a Dating Rut?

We’ve all been in that icky place where dating has become more of a chore and less of the fun and exciting adventure it once was. You find yourself bemoaning “When will my soul mate get here, already!” at every moment. Not to mention, just the mere thought of having to have yet another first date is enough to make you consider running back to your ex.

Until you remember the toe nail clippings on the kitchen counter, the crazy amount of hair left on the bathroom floor, and the…

Ok enough already! Here’s how to determine if you’re in a dating rut and how to finagle your fine self out of it in no time flat.

1. Boredom

You’re bored on the dates you go on, you’re bored when emailing a potential mate on their online profile, and you’re bored when you receive a call from someone you’re dating. Hell, you’re just flat out BORED. A lot of times if there’s boredom, there’s burnout. You’ve probably put way too much emphasis on finding a mate and have taken the joy out of the whole process. Not to mention, your intense boredom is wrecking havoc on your attractiveness factor. The Cure: Give yourself a dating sabbatical. Spend the next 7-30 days off your dating profile and/or pursuing any possible dating leads. Go and have some fun with your friends, read a good book, and reconnect with yourself by reengaging in your hobbies. The benefit of this is that once you plop yourself back in the game, you’ll feel refreshed and energized, which will make you more attractive.

2. Your Dates Are Alike

Every person you go on a date with seems to have the same job, the same interests, the same type of car, the same fashion sense, and even the same sense of humor. It’s enough to drive you frickin’ mad! Not to mention, the dates seem to be the same ol’ same ol’; dinner and a movie.

The Cure: First off, do some self-reflection. Why are you attracting the same type of people in your life? Are you limiting yourself by only dating this one particular type? I’ll tell you this, just because you liked it once, doesn’t mean you’ll like seconds. So change up your approach when it comes to finding dates. If you only find dates online, then you may need to venture out to social functions more. If you’ve been relying on your married or engaged friends to hook you up, then you perhaps you should try an online dating site. And when it comes to going on the same boring dates, why not suggest something new. Instead of coffee, why not try roller skating in the park? Instead of dinner and a movie, why not try going to the zoo or taking a tour at a museum. Change it up to add more vavoom back into the whole experience.

3. You’ve Considered Calling Your Ex

You know times are hard when you go searching through old text messages to find your ex’s phone number. And don’t get me started on those of you who go through your cell phone online billing statement and try to locate your ex’s number. Don’t worry, your secret is super safe with me! The Cure: As I said in Tip #2, just because you liked it once doesn’t mean you’ll like it again. So get rid of the notion of contacting your ex. Besides, there’s a reason the two of you are not together, so don’t romanticize the past and ignore the very things that tore you two apart. Take what you learned from the relationship and try to move forward.

4. You’re Ready To Give Up

You’ve had it up to here with all of these lackluster dates. It seems everyone you go out with is looking for “fun” or just got out of a serious relationship. Your friends are finding relationships with relative ease and you’re sick and tired of being the third or fifth wheel to events with them. You can’t help but wonder when your soul mate will get here. The Cure: Know that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we’re so focused on what we don’t have that we fail to enjoy the gifts that are in front of us now. When you’re single, you have the unique opportunity to do and be anything you want without any obligations (if you don’t have children). Take this time to develop yourself, save some money, see the world, go after your dreams, cross off some bucket list items, try a new career, take up a new hobby, etc. Instead of focusing on you lack of partnership at the moment, find a way to develop skills and talents in your solo time that could ultimately benefit you once you are attached.

Until Next Time,

Shay Banks